Joy in the little things. I must remember to find happiness in the small things; I am a lucky woman. I have a roof over my head and food in my belly- there are so many more with less than I have. So much less.

It's becoming more difficult to find happiness. But then..I stopped expecting happiness some time ago. I received a new dress yesterday, and it's- it really is beautiful. But knowing that I-

I don't know if I can do this anymore. But I don't know where else to go there's no home I have no family and I haven't been happy since-

Oh, Thomas, how did things go so wrong? How could I have failed you so? If I'd been more careful, if-

There are so many ifs and I cannot- I should not dwell on them. If the baby hadn't died, then perhaps- perhaps we would be together still. I wonder how you are, if you're well. I hear the inn is flourishing- oh, I wish I could tell you how proud I am of you.

I miss you. Perhaps I do not deserve to, perhaps I should not love you after all this time but I cannot-

I gave you my heart that day by the spring and you hold it still, no matter how angry you may be. I only hope- I hope that you can look back on our time together fondly, remembering the good. I'm sure you've forgotten me by now, and I hope- I hope that you've found happiness. I hope you've found a woman to love, a woman who could give you all the children and all the happiness you deserve.

Tonight I have no appointments, and nowhere that I need to be. The Madame still seems to be angry with me, but maybe I'll be able to spend a quiet evening, alone. I feel hollow, and I don't know-

I feel as though I don't know anything anymore.